Sunday, April 5, 2009

Stephanie Nicole Pavlichek (1/12/84) - (4/3/09)

Once There was a Girl
For my daughter
© 2008

Where has she gone,
the child spinning stories,
dressing up, singing off-key?
Have you seen her around?

A minute passed, a lifetime
formed, blonde hair now Black
as the Stone of Mecca. She sat
right there for suppertime.

Madness crept in,
I know not when.
It cast its thin
grey sheet within
her mind, frozen
in time she spins
into insanity.

Where has she gone,
my once innocent girl
Her skirts awhirl?
Have you seen her around?

My husband, Stephanie's father, pointed out today how ironic it was that my last post here in March had to do with describing the last day our daughter stayed with us. He encouraged me to come back and read it so that I would stop beating myself up about her death. I don't know if I will ever stop asking "what if" and saying "if only", but at least I know in my heart of hearts that I tried everything possible to help her, to reach her, and to heal her.

But her death is not likely the result of her own hand. We are still waiting on the autopsy results, but it appears she died because of several blows to the head during a robbery in the wee hours of Sunday morning, March 29. She died later in the week after complaining of nausea and headache, but she did not say any of this to us. She didn't reach out to us or anyone else for help or support. She just went to sleep and never woke up.

My world has fallen apart. She was my greatest challenge and my dearest girl. I wanted so badly for her to survive! Damn it all to hell!